Guilt
This week I really struggled at finding a topic to write about. I ended up having to google different topics and found the topic of writing about something that I feel guilty about. The first thing that popped into my mind was a moment where I miss judged someone.
I was volunteering at a food stand, at a carnival, a few years ago with my church and had a customer come up to me towards the end of my shift. I immediately noticed that there was something off about him. He stumbled upon his words and spoke very quietly like he was struggling to speak. Being that it was pretty late into the carnival and there was alcohol available, I immediately assumed he was intoxicated.
I changed my whole demeanor. Instead of giving a smile and asking kindly for him to repeat himself, I immediately became nervous and said "what?" in an almost distant tone. I don't remember exactly how the interaction went but I know that I definitely treated him with a slight lack of respect.
Once he had gotten his food and walked away, I realized that he wasn't intoxicated. I saw that he was actually working at another stand and noticed how he was talking to others. I figured out that he actually just had a speech impediment or other disability that caused him to struggle with speaking.
I felt terrible. I kept thinking about how many times I had seen people treat others with disabilities with little to no respect. The man was probably even used to it which is absolutely terrible. How could I just automatically make assumptions about someone based on a 20-second conversation? Even if the man turned out to be just intoxicated why should I automatically treat him with no respect?
Some may think that it was an honest mistake and that he probably forgot about the encounter within a minute. However, I didn't forget. Although it is such a simple, quick, and forgettable moment, I think about it often when meeting new people. It might sound stupid but this small moment just reminds me to never treat someone differently based on a quick judgment.
I have done the same thing before, and the guilt from that situation has been with me ever since. Although it is wrong and hurtful to misjudge people, we need to experience moments like that, so we can learn from it! Personally, because of the overwhelming guilt I felt, I am always conscious of how I am communicating with other people. I can see that you have done the same as well!
ReplyDeleteFor some reason, those interactions happen when you least expect them to. Personally, I have found myself experiencing the same guilty feelings you mentioned above. Because we can't change the past, it's important that we move forward and make sure to treat everyone with respect. Thanks for sharing, Grace!
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