Goodricke Week #5

    For the past almost 10 years of my life, I have struggled with anxiety. Before I could even grasp the concepts of basic mathematics, I knew that there was a problem that needed to be sorted out. I was a little wary about talking about something deep like this, but I think bringing it to light takes away the power that it holds over me. I believe this all started when I was around 7 years old. 

    I remember going out to dinner with my family at a sushi place. I think it might have been for my birthday, but I'm not sure. I remember in one of the days that followed, I was at school about to perform in a concert. I recall being in the nurse's office right before because I was extremely nauseous. As I finally gathered myself to join my peers and perform, I realized the show was over. I was standing outside of our cafeteria where they were performing. Then kids, faculty, and parents started to leave. As I opened my mouth to talk to my friends about their performance, I threw up in front of my entire student body. I remember going to the hospital to make sure that I was okay. It turns out that I developed a bacteria called h pylori. This bacteria caused me to be sick all the time and lose weight like crazy. 

    Though I don't fully believe that this was some sort of traumatic experience that caused the entire mental illness that I developed, I believe that this is how my phobia of throwing up started. In the years that followed, I was in the hospital constantly with consistent nausea that would become more severe after eating. They would run test after test to try and find out what was wrong with me. After thousands of dollars and weeks spent at the hospital, they kept saying that there was nothing wrong with me. 

    Year pass and I don't find myself having many run-ins with consistent nausea after eating. This was until around my 14th birthday. I started to feel this debilitating nausea following or even at the thought of eating. My mom took me to the pediatrician to run more tests. My mom immediately thought that I had somehow still had the bacteria. They, once again, ran a bunch of tests and concluded that there was nothing wrong with me. My dad suggested that it was a psychological thing, so I sought out a therapist who could help make sense of that. It was there where I was introduced to the possible answer being anxiety. 

    Fast-forward to the present day, I continue to struggle with this. I've noticed that it has been getting increasingly worse. In fact, today I was convinced that I was gonna be sick at work, so my manager let me come home. I know there's nothing wrong with me physically, but my brain convinces me that I am. There's this whole cycle that my brain goes through that makes it worse and worse. I have a phobia of throwing up, so when I feel anxious it makes me nauseous, which makes me more anxious, and on and on. I know that there are resources that I could seek out in order to start helping this go away, but I am finding that I don't have that much to do so with work, school, and other extracurricular activities that I'm apart of. However, I WILL make the time, and so should you if you find that you struggle with any mental issues.

    Taking care of your psychological health is incredibly important. I know for myself, I often believe that I can solve everything by myself, which is not the case. There is nothing wrong or shameful about asking for help. Please take care of yourselves, everyone!

I couldn't think of a picture to put here so here's
Ariana Grande :)