The effects of being in school during a pandemic
As everyone knows, this past year has not been easy for anyone. We have been dealt with extreme once in a lifetime circumstances that will seem to haunt us for quite some time. As a teenager during this time, it has been hard to process all of the changes, most specifically in school. At first when we went virtual, it felt like an extended spring break. I remember March-June feeling like a carefree time where I could pretty much do whatever I wanted. Going to bed at early morning hours, waking up at noon and then finishing all of my asynchronous work, binging new TV shows, and enjoying the new spring weather were the only things on my agenda. Since then, things have changed tremendously. Since then, my attitude has totally changed.
When junior year started, I was ready to go back to school five days a week. This caused a surprise when the hybrid learning schedule was announced. This past year in hybrid has been one of the, if not the worst, school year of my life. It is crazy that at a time where my personal life is so great, that school is the worst it has ever been. As a student, I have always been a fan of school. I was always good at school and I love to excel, so this was a place where I can come and be the best that I can be. This year, I dread going to school every single day. I believe this is due to the massive changes put in place. I am so for wearing masks and staying six feet apart, but at the end of the day, it adds a weird, unsettling feeling that I can not explain. It makes this place that used to be one of my favorite places seem like something I don't even recognize.
The worst part of school this year is the asynchronous days. The hours upon hours of workload to do for one day make me feel defeated, and by the time I am done, I have no energy for the rest of the day. I also feel being home every other day is affecting my learning, especially when it comes to AP classes. I knew taking three AP classes was going to be a difficult task, however taking each of those classes one day a week has proven to be a very difficult task. Although my grades are fine, I feel as a student, I am not doing the best that I can.
My main fear is the fact that I am about a year away from graduating and moving on to bigger and better opportunities, however I feel as if this is coming at a horrible time. I feel unmotivated, incompetent, and a shell of the former academic student I used to be. Although I continue to get my work done on time and get good grades, I can't help but think what could have been if I was given a normal schedule like students in the past.
To wrap this up, I do want to mention how thankful I am for being safe and healthy in a time where others are not. I am also thankful that the NASD school district and their staff are working as hard as they can in order to create an environment that is as safe and fun as can be, however the bottom line is nothing is the same anymore. Again, I don't want it to seem like I am ungrateful for things in my life. I am just going through a difficult time period and I am sure everyone else is having similar issues in this situation.
I relate to every aspect of this post. I too am taking 3 AP classes, and despite having good grades within them, I feel as if I am retaining none of it. Asynchronous days are incredibly draining for me, and it is nice to know that I am not the only one. To put it blatantly, I feel burned out. I hope you can find more of the motivation you so gracefully display. I try to remind myself that everyone is undergoing the pain from COVID, but I don't think people truly understand the depths in which students are struggling. Despite that, Michael, you are so smart and you have a thousand capacities within you (a quote from my favorite book haha)!
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree. It is very difficult trying to stay motivated when you are at home most days. Like you said, it is especially challenging when it comes to AP classes. I end up having to teach myself a majority of the information, which makes it harder to actually understand new concepts. Hopefully things will start to become somewhat normal in the next few years.
ReplyDeleteThat's crazy our blogs are so similar. I feel bad I didn't clarify, like you did, my gratefulness for the opportunities I have, but just can't handle due to lack of motivation. It's really bad actually, I can't even keep up with my body goals, haven't exercised in a week, help!
ReplyDeleteThis perfectly explained exactly what I have been going through. It's not that I don't care about school, I simply cannot find the otivation to become the best possible student that I can be. I also want to cut myself a little bit of slack. I do work a lot and am apart of several different extracurriculars, so I know I'm doing the best I physically and mentally can with everything that life throws at me. Even though I am doing well, I also feel defeated. We'll get through this.
ReplyDelete